A couple of weeks ago filmmaker Matt Ott hit me up about being on his Comedians In Public series. He explained to me that I would have to perform in public (Bad), during the day (Worse), for people who weren’t paying attention (Worser). It sounded like a complete nightmare, so of course I agreed to do it. Then a day after I agreed to do it he dropped the bomb on me that the location he had chosen for my public performance was the Billy Graham Library (The Worst). Either Matt was not aware of my utter disdain for everything religious, or he did and he’s the biggest asshole in the world. Either way, I’m a man of my word and he’s an evil bastard. (more…)
Last year I finally made good on my mission to have at least one Facebook and Twitter update every day. I may have missed a handful of dates, but I made up for it eventually. I was planning on posting them all on this blog post, but I soon realized it would just take too long, so I only did January-March. Whether I ever post April-December remains to be seen. I intend to, but I’ve intended to do many things that never got done – like being successful. For now the following is a mixed compendium (I like that word) of my Facebook and Twitter updates from January 1 through March 31 2012. Some are funny, some aren’t, and many may not make any sense (You had to be there, man).
– New Year’s Day is like my day-after-Xmas. It’s when I usually return all the gifts I got the night before. Namely:Alcohol. Thru:My Butthole.
– Say what you will about deaf people…really, go ahead, they won’t hear you. (more…)
(Originally Posted 6/10/08)
I found this image kinda scary, so I took a picture of it.
It’s frightening for several reasons. Look at the woman’s pasty white skin, a tell-tale sign of the undead. Look at her hair and her choice of clothing. What woman in her right mind would wear her hair like that? This “person” is obviously trying to impersonate a human being, or what they believe a human being should look like. But their lack of experience among the living prohibits them from doing it effectively. For all we know this so-called “woman” could very well be a man. (more…)
I was reading the Bible, as I do, and I came upon this passage. On Ezekiel 5:10, a pissed off Lord tells us,
“…in your midst fathers will eat their children, and children will eat their fathers. I will inflict punishment on you and will scatter all your survivors to the winds.”
So maybe Mike Tyson wasn’t so crazy after all. See it’s these wild violent books that give the kids the crazy ideas these days.
(Originally posted 5/7/06)