PART 13.

Previously on True Love. I mentioned how I thought Theresa’s arrival back in the United States was only a matter of time. All she had to do was fulfill the requirements to join the CHURCH OF BEELZEBUB’S SATANIC ORDER AND LUCIFER’S GOAT/Day Care Center. Unfortunately, she seemed a bit confused by some of the requirements, so I reached out and told her I would explain anything she didn’t understand… oh and I said some things about her vagina too.

I’m guessing she figured things out cause she made no mention of being confused in her reply email, and didn’t ask any questions. She’s a smart girl this one. She’s probably half way to a pint of menstrual blood already.

Her reply:

“Honey how are you doing today,,,,,i really love you so much more ,,,,,,i will be happy to be there with you soon Okay,,,,,My love i just want you to send me the money,,,,So that i will be there with you Okay,,,,,”

She loves me so much more. Truer words were never said. She loves me so much she just wants me to send her the money. Well she’s gonna ADORE me after she reads this next email, cause money is what she’s gonna get! It seems like Theresa and I have finally gotten the lucky break we had been hoping for!

“Dingleberry! I got the Greatest news today! I’ll be sending you the money VERY soon, and it’s gonna be a HELL of a lot more than $200 or any amount’s worth of Taco Bell packets! OKAY!!!

The DARK LORD LUCIFER must be looking out for us cause I just got this email today and it looks like I’m gonna be riding the Express Bus to Millionaire Trailer Park!

You’re not gonna believe this, but out of nowhere, I got an email today sent by Dr. Abdulaiye RAHMANI from “the bank manager unit of the foreign remittance, department BANK OF AFRICA Burkina”.

I was like, “Why the hell is Dr. Abdulaiye RAHMANI from the bank manager unit of the foreign remittance, department BANK OF AFRICA Burkina emailing me? I ain’t got no business with no terrorist doctor. How does he even know who I am?”

Well, apparently he got my email address recommended by “du Burkina FASO business consultant”. I don’t know exactly what that means, but that sounds like business talk for someone important. So that’s when I realized this guy was legit.

Turns out Dr. Ramen Noodles decided to contact me for what he described as a “100% free business transaction”. And I’m all like “HELLz Yeah!” I’m all about Free. I figure if he gives me that “business transaction” for free, I can turn around and sell it for double that. Well it got even better!

What happened was that they discovered in his department an abandoned sum of “US $9.5m (Nine million five hundred thousand US dollars)” in an account that belongs to one of their “foreign customer who died along with his entire in 20TH of July 2002 in a accident car in Burkina Faso The Late Mr Sahid Ali Rahman, A citizen of Nationality of Kuwait and residence in Burkina Faso.”

You hear that? He died along with his ENTIRE! To be honest though, he deserves to die along with his Entire if he was stupid enough to get into an accident car. Especially in Burkina Faso. Did you know Burkina Faso has the highest mortality rate of deadly accident car fatalities in all of Mexico? I read it in Animal Balloon Journal. So, anyway, fortunately he didn’t die along with his “Partial”. And I guess according to Burkina Faso law if you die along with your “Entire” that means your money is up for grabs!

So that’s where I come along! The good doctor agreed to give me 25% of the $9.5 million if I just tell him my bank account number and send him $200 to cover the wire transfer expenses. I know we’d been saving the $200 to get you back to the States, but 25% of 9.5 million, that’s like Two Million dollars!

Mr. Sahid Ali Rahman’s gruesome death in an inferno of gasoline fire is our ticket to fortune! :D

It’s like they say, One man’s accident car is another man’s brand new above-ground pool.

So I’m going to send Dr Rahmani the $200 I was going to send to you, and after he transfers me the $2 million dollars from the dead guy’s account I’ll send you the money to come back to the U.S. Hell with that kind of money I might go to Africa and pick you up myself! J/K! (I’m allergic to black people)

We’re Gonna Be RICH! Hail SATAN!”

A slightly more legitimate doctor than Dr. RAHMANI.

(Originally Posted May 2, 2010)

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