PART 12.

I’ve only received one email from Theresa since I sent her the requirements to join the CHURCH OF BEELZEBUB’S SATANIC ORDER AND LUCIFER’S GOAT/Day Care Center. I’m hoping this is because she’s so busy trying to fulfill the requirements that she hasn’t had much time to write.

She mentions in the email that she doesn’t really “get” me very well. Some might see this as a bad thing, but I think it’s a sign that she’s showing initiative to clarify exactly what is required of her to convert, thus trying to avoid any possible setbacks in our path towards wire fraud love.

Her email:

“Honey i don’t really get you well Okay,,,,,Myu love i want you to send th money so that i will be able to do what i wanna do with it before is to late My love i really love you so much,,,,,i told you that i will go to the church when am there with you Okay,,”

My reply:

“baby, what’s wrong, baby? What is it that you don’t really get, baby? I’m sorry. I thought all churches of Satan pretty much ran the same way, but I guess you guys do it differently in Wisconsin. Maybe you guys like screwing cheese wheels or something. Just let me know what you don’t understand and I’ll explain it to you, okay?

Baby, it’s gonna be okay, listen to me… it’s gonna be okay… come here, baby… yeah, that’s right… ooh, what’s this I found between your furry thighs? ….is that a little coochie hooch? …is that all for me? mmmmm, baby, well let me go down and inspectionate it…. let’s just spread them bushy gates and see what’s happenin…. oh my, seems like your manhole lost its cover… let’s take a closer look… whoa, talk about cheese! ….babe, we’re gonna have to do some heavy duty pressure washing on this sewer tunnel right here…. you could start a bakery with all this yeast… wait a second… what the hell? …oh no, it’s starting to move! ….What Is That??? get the HAZMAT team!! It’s an EMERGENCY!!! …call the CDC!!! ….drop the gas masks!! ….women and children to the FALLOUT SHELTER!!!! …Somebody get the Flame Thrower!….WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

I’m just foolin with you, baby… you know I kid. But seriously though, get that stank looked at for me, okay? I don’t think they’ll let you back into the country until you fumigate your cumdumpster.

Ok baby, let me know when you’ve fulfilled the requirements of the Church. I got two full inches of manrod ready for some toe banging. I’ll fuck the toejam right out from in between them, baby!

ok scrotumlips, can’t wait to vacuum the eyeballs right out of your skull!”

This image has nothing to do with the article. I just needed to see something cute.

P.S. No matter how funny you may think it would be to compliment your love story article with a photoshopped visual representation of the word “scrotumlips”. It is not worth doing a google image search for the word “scrotum”. The results will make you want to vacuum the eyeballs out of your skull.
(Originally Posted April 30, 2010)

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