PART 25.

Most recently Theresa sent me a very urgent message:


name: steve harried
address:234 broad way street
state: lagos
country: nigeria
zipcode: 23401”

At first I was a little alarmed. She rarely ever types in all caps, plus she’s always asked for a lot more money than that. She must’ve Really needed those $50. I was getting ready to send them to her when I realized the name on the address she gave me…”Steve Harried”! That’s not even her name! Not only is it not her name, it’s the name of a man! No way am I sending money to some person I don’t know, let alone a Man!

Clearly, I was outraged and expressed as much in my reply to her:

“OH MY GOD! who is this Steve Harried person??? and why do you want me to send him money???? Is this some LOVER you are cheating on me with????? I’ll KILL HIM!! I can’t believe you’re cheating on ME!!!!! Menstrual Flow, you better tell this Steve Harried person that if I ever see him I will shoot turd missiles into his nostrils until he Chokes on them and DIES!

But first I will strip him NAKED and FLAIL him Mercilessly with my Mighty Whip! Then I will sit him down and whisper into his ear. I will say to him “little boy, what’s that you’re hiding” and he will say “what?” and I will say “oops, I just spilled my hot chocolate all over your head”, and then I’ll spill boiling hot chocolate all over his head; actually I’ll probably do that before the whole “oops…” thing, and then I’ll say “oops..yadda yadda”. That would make more sense time progression wise.

So then he’ll be all like “AHH!! What the F! You’ve spilled hot chocolate all over my FACE! OH NO!”; and I’ll be like “Oops, I just spilled scalding hot chocolate all over your naughty bits” and then he’ll probably be like “AAAAAHHHHH!!! WTF! You’ve spilled hot chocolate all over my DICK! Doubles OH NO!” and I’ll be all like “I’m sorry. I’m SO clumsy.” and then he’ll probably still be all like “WHAT THE FUCK!!! YOU BURNED UP MY JUNK!!!” and I’ll be like “Now, Now, Little Boy, no need to get loud”. At which point he’ll likely say “JJJESSSUUSSS MOTHER OF FUCKING CHRIST the chocolate is SEARING through My NUTSACK!!!” And I’ll be like “Well now, what do you think we should do?” and he’ll respond “FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK It HURTS!”. And I’ll say “You want a Marshmallow with that, Little Boy?” and he’ll surely respond “OOOOHHHH MOTHERFUCK CHRIST SHIT!!!!”. To which I will respond, “Well let me see what I can do”.

Then I’ll get on my knees in front of his chair. I will dive my head into his scorched crotch and start licking the warm chocolate off his balls and schlong. Slow LONG licks down his charred shaft. SUCKING up all the gooey cocoa goodness spiced up with the taste of burnt flesh. OHHH that burn victim aroma gets me SO HARD! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. I’ll take his entire sizzling manhood into my mouth, DeepThroating, pushing it further inside, and when I feel it can go in no further and we’re about to breach the gagpoint, I’ll CHOMP down on his crispy WEEN and TEAR it Off with a Swift YANK of my Teeth! Then I’ll parade his Severed Schlong in front of him and SEW it directly on to his FACE! Then I will mount his head, insert his nosepenis into my man pussy and ride it until I set his face aflame again in Hot ORGASMIC ECSTASY!

…and then I’d do the whole turd missiles thing. Cause seriously, fuck that guy.

Her reply:

“No my love it my hotel manager,,,”

Her reply was even more disconcerting and left me with many questions:

“hotel manager? why do you have a hotel manager?? do you own a hotel??? why didn’t you tell me you owned a hotel???? what kind of a hotel is it????? why do you want me to send money to your hotel manager?????? how long have you had a hotel??????? how long have you had a motel manager???????? what are his precise duties in managing the hotel????????? don’t you make enough money off of the hotel to support yourself?????????? Is the hotel going through tough times??????????? have you considered selling it???????????? How much longer can I continue asking questions and adding question marks at the end before I lose count????????????? why don’t you just sell the hotel and use that money to buy yourself a ticket to fly to the united states?????????????? did you inherit this hotel from your rich father?????????????? are you having sex with the hotel manager at the hotel behind my back???????????????? Do you really love me????????????????? Do you really want to hurt me?????????????????? Do you really want to make me cry??????????????????”

I still haven’t heard back, but I’m sure when I do she’ll thoroughly answer each and every question.

good ole penis face

This entry was partially inspired by this picture. I can always count on Good Ole Penis Face. Sir, you are my muse.

(Originally Posted July 16, 2010)

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