PART 24.

Meanwhile on the Theresa front…

She writes the sweetest love letters:

“hello honey how are you doing today??”

It so happened I had some good news to share with her:

“HOLY CRAP! You’re not gonna believe what I just got in the mail, defecationface!!! I don’t know how we got so lucky, but it looks like we’re gonna be making even MORE MONEY!

This dude from Ghana just hit me up saying he can transfer 36 MILLION dollars to my bank account! That’s Million with a J! and the best part is he has “thought carefully about this transaction” and “can confidently say that there is no risk or undue hitches regarding actualization of this transaction”. So it’s pretty much a done deal!

I don’t know where these African people find so much money, but they’re just DYING to give it away to complete strangers from foreign countries. No wonder there’s so many children dying of starvation there. LOLz!!

SHOW ME THE MONEYYYY!!!!!!!!!! SAY IT WITH MEEEE!!!!! SHOW MEEEE TTHHHHEEE MMOOOONNEEEYYYYY!!!!”

Here’s the email he sent me:

[The Email]

Well it’s a good thing I hit her up because she brought up the fact that it might be a scam. She’s always looking out for me:

“hello how are you doing today am not feeling Okay all this day Okay An i really miss you so much honey,,,Okay my love i don’t want you to send anybody money anymore Okay,,,My love don’t you think they may scam you my love”

My reply:

“OMG! I hadn’t even thought of that! To think people would be so evil to try to scam people out of their hard earned money! Herpes Scab, I don’t know what I would do without you! It’s too bad everybody can’t share in a love like ours, where you would never think of hurting me and are always out to protect me.

These scammers make it sound so easy too!

All I had to do was register a Gold Trading Company in my name in Ghana and back date the company documents with his contact at the Registrar General’s Office and open an account in the company’s name which also would be the same name as my account name in my country and then move the funds to the company’s account, to make it look like I have been dealing in gold business for a while. Then we would just have to claim/transfer the funds to my nominated foreign account!

And just like that, he would then present me to his bank board as the beneficiary to the funds after which the necessary funds transfer approval would be issued in my favor and the funds would be successfully transferred to any of my nominated foreign accounts with the understanding that I would share the funds on a ration of 50% apiece!

I guess there’s no such thing as easy money! Am I right??

This pisses me off so much. I almost want to write him back and pretend like I’m interested just so I can fuck with him for months and say the most horrific things I can possibly think of just to see how long I could string him along and then post it somewhere in the form of a mock love story. But who’d be Stupid enough to fall for That! LOLz!

Retard Drool, I can’t thank you enough for warning me about this guy. You’re the absolute Best! I don’t know what I’d do without you! I can’t believe I almost let that person scam me. Anyway, I’ll write you more again later, I have to go wire some money to Dr. Rahmani for the Bank of Africa deal I’m making in Burkina Faso!

I want to slash your eyes in half with a razor blade.”

Her replies:

“Okay my love i really love you so much more

Honey kiss an hug for you Okay

Okay my love,,,,,honey have you mail the lawyer,,,honey i need some money now to get food Okay”

My reply:

“Just tell me what you need, you wouldn’t believe what supermarkets throw away every night. I’ve been making half my dinners off of stuff I’ve found in their dumpsters. They throw out expired stuff but most of it is still pretty good as long as you pick off all the hairs and nail clippings out of it. The milk can get kinda nasty but I just pretend it’s cheese when I eat it. A lot of people won’t dive in there cause they’re afraid the rats will bite’em, but hell, if they’re big enough sometimes I catch and eat the rats too. I make some killer rat sauté. If the tail is thin enough you can even floss with it some times. By the way, I don’t know if you’re into eating fetus, but I can probably get you a dumpster baby if you want. I run into those a few times a week. That’s why I bring a hammer with me. They’re probably a delicacy where you live though, so if you think you can make any money off of them I’ll send you some.

So let me know what you need me to send you. I got shitloads of food and a lot of it has only been expired for a few weeks. Don’t worry I’ll pack the food in ziploc bags so it won’t go bad.

Hugs and kisses for you, prolapsed rectum face.”

My dinner with Mickey.

(Originally Posted July 6, 2010)

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