PART 23.

Last time I talked to Theresa I told her how offended I was by the lawyer’s behavior and demanded an apology. She finally agreed that she’d ask the lawyer to “apologis” to me, and wouldn’t you know it, apologis he did:

“Hello mr am very sorry for all what have say to you Okay”

Granted, it wasn’t the most thorough apologis of all time, but to me it was enough. I love Theresa too much to let this quarrel get in the way of our eventual reunion.

I accepted his apologis and once again asked for his advice:

“alright, Mr. Sam Larry Cole Okay, I accept your apology. It takes balls to admit you’re wrong. Speaking of balls, what do you think I should do about my genital condition? It hasn’t gotten any better and now I can’t even control my pee stream when I go to the bathroom. Sometimes it gets so crazy I end up pissing on my face. Pretty soon I’ll have to start peeing sitting down. This shit’s embarrassing.”

His reply:

“Okay maybe you should let your wife come over there with you Okay”

My reply:

“yeah, man, I hear what you’re saying. I should be honest with her… You’re right, man, you’re right… I just gotta man up… Dude, you’re a real friend, you know that? Thanks so much for helping me look at the man in the mirror and asking him to change his ways. No message could’ve been any clearer. I guess if you want to make the world a better place you gotta look at yourself and then make a change.

What do you think would be the best way of breaking it to her that my penis is falling off?”

His reply:

“hello man how are you doing today hope all is good with you there”

He didn’t really answer my question, but at the same time I think he did. I think by eschewing a response he was trying to tell me that the only way of manning up is by learning how to be honest on your own. Or maybe he just forgot, I don’t know.

Either way, it doesn’t matter because I’ve pretty much resigned myself to my current situation and am trying to make the best of it. I emailed to tell him about some possible options I’ve been thinking about for the future:

“I’m pretty good, dog. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my dong falling off. Lately I’ve been thinking of just getting a sex transplant. Just on the downstairs though, I don’t want boobs or nothing, that’s for queers. I just figure if I can’t make any money off my wang, and it’s gonna fall off anyway, I might as well get a vagina implanted and make some money off of that. What do you think? They say it hurts less to get fucked in the vag hole than in the ass but I’ve gotten banged in the pooper so much at this point that the statue of liberty could fistfuck me with her torch arm and it wouldn’t even tickle.

The thing is that the transplants can be kinda expensive and I have to wire more money to Burkina Faso. Plus my wife won’t shut up about being hungry. I’m not sure what to do. If you were in my shoes, would you get a pussy?”

Just rub some tuna on the crotch, drill a hole, and we're set.

(Originally Posted July 5, 2010)

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