It's getting so bad I can't even drink it anymore.

According to Billy Joel, no.

They're called chalk outlines. They actually draw them pretty often whenever there's a murder.

Didn't she already play an anchor in the 2008 election? In the sense that after she attached herself to McCain, he went nowhere. Why would she even need to play an anchor, this woman mocks herself by just being alive.

Actually somebody just set up a bomb at the power plant, but maybe that's just the terrorists' way of being green.

Finally, CNN is catching up to stand-up comic material from the 1980's. Stay tuned for an article about issues with GPS navigators in 2037.

Especially if your lover is called O.J. Simpson.

Yes! "But Carlos won't this just lead to you punching every kid in the face whenever you're at a restaurant?" YES!

But taking them off can achieve so much more.

And prostitutes face herpes. What else is new.

About time they investigated the dingo on the grassy knoll.

In fairness, religious people hate it when they're asked Any questions. It makes their head hurt.

I'm cool with it, but I don't know how others will react once billboards start touching everybody in the crotch.

Is this what they're calling Soul food now? How racist.

You say "Please" after you tell them to "Stop being so fucking dumb"

If by "play Liz Taylor" you mean "be a dead actress", then I'd guess Yes.

I don't know. Give me a minute. I'll google it.

They just mean the one in the lobby. It’s going to get water two times a day now. Which is twice as much as the workers in the manufacturing plant get. Apple can afford to do this by watering the plants with the recycled sweat and tears of their exploited Chinese employees.

Of course they back santorum. Santorum = anal sex = less pregnancies = less abortions.

I don’t know what this guy did but it must’ve been pretty bad. I heard of a German leader once that killed like 6 million jews, and the guy stayed in power for Years.

Beyond bare breasts? What could there possibly be beyond bare breasts?? This is like the pervert version of going faster than the speed of light. I’m there dude.

No shit, they call it double-vision.

This is a pretty grim article displaying another awful example of how shitty the world is, but I found at least one part of it entertaining. Part of the plan to help these kids is to provide them with cell phones so they can call home if they’re ever abducted. But hey, cell phones are expensive, so the lady running the program doesn’t just give them out arbitrarily:

“It sounds weird, but we gave the prettiest girls the cell phones first, they’re most at risk.”

In other words, “Sorry fatty, but who would want to rape You!”

I’m pretty sure the cutest girls get iPhones too, and it goes down from there. If you’re only moderately rapeable you get a Motorola pager. The real Uggos get a couple of cans and some string, well actually they don’t get that, but they’re told to go find some in the dump.

You must be at least this hot to get on this ride.

I support this decision, but I think it’s going to be tough to put into practice. Even though bigger is definitely preferable, I expect a lot of McDonald’s customers are still going to resist being caged.

Fortunately, McDonald’s customers shouldn’t be that hard to bait using the old Big Mac and stick trick.

Somebody’s getting laid this week!

I’m not sure if the “Judge Rules” part of the headline was inserted by the editor of the article, or if they were just quoting Sandusky after he heard the news..”Judge Rules!”

It’s Possible That Nobody Wins the 2012 GOP Nomination

I think it’s safe to say regardless of who gets the nomination, nobody is going to win.

I feel this would be a hit in West Virginia too, but for different reasons.

They always use their best picture on their profile.