Sex, Drugs, and Comedy… not much sex though, or drugs… ok just Comedy.

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“On This Day”

Facebook has a feature called “On This Day” where they like to bring up statuses you posted years ago on that same date. Not sure what the purpose of it is other than to remind you how your life used to be better; or worse, how it’s never been good at all. Usually I find them annoying but I was actually glad they reminded me of this particular one because I think it’s somewhat relevant to the state of comedy today. The post in question is the following picture with the caption “You think this dude might be an Earnhardt fan?” Read the rest of this page »

It Gets Worse – Clean Version.

It’s no secret that the easiest path to making money as a comedian in America is to tailor your material to appeal to the largest group of people possible, which often means being extremely careful to not hurt anybody’s sensibilities, or risk pissing people off. I’ve never been that kind of comic, but now that my album is out I’ve been getting a lot of pressure from my agents, managers, accountants, publicists, body guards, consiglieres, personal trainers, pastors, and wives, to increase my audience by releasing an edited “Family Friendly” version of my album. I rejected their requests for as long as I could, but sadly I finally had to give in. Read the rest of this page »

Live at the Billy Graham Library.

A couple of weeks ago filmmaker Matt Ott hit me up about being on his Comedians In Public series. He explained to me that I would have to perform in public (Bad), during the day (Worse), for people who weren’t paying attention (Worser). It sounded like a complete nightmare, so of course I agreed to do it. Then a day after I agreed to do it he dropped the bomb on me that the location he had chosen for my public performance was the Billy Graham Library (The Worst). Either Matt was not aware of my utter disdain for everything religious, or he did and he’s the biggest asshole in the world. Either way, I’m a man of my word and he’s an evil bastard. Read the rest of this page »

My Album If Finally Out! “It Gets Worse”

The album I recorded in December is finally available today. It’s called “It Gets Worse”.

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Satire, it ain’t for everybody.

This is why I love when people share my Facebook/Twitter posts. At this point anybody that still follows me on either of those is pretty familiar with my sense of humor or is pretty open minded about my nonsense, so I’m basically preaching to the choir. But when they share my posts on their page the audience for the jokes expands to their friends, family, and coworkers, many of which don’t find me amusing in the least. And it couldn’t make me more giddy.
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Rantings of a 300 year old man.

This is my reaction to new communication technologies throughout the centuries. Some of these are factual, and some are speculative. I’ll let you guess which are which:

19th Century

“Why do I need a telephone when I can just use a telegraph?”

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A Poem.

I love you so much that if you told me you wanted the sky I would try to get it for you, but I would eventually realize that it’s not something I could actually give you since the sky isn’t an item that can be purchased. Even if it was, I imagine it would be extremely expensive and probably way out of my price range. The good news though is that you can still pretty much enjoy it for free.

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People Be Trippin’. When it snows.

740,000 people died the last time it snowed in Raleigh, NC.

People in the North be like: “Why those pussies in the South gotta shut down for a few inches of snow? We treat it like it’s any other day!”

People in the South be like: “Because we don’t have the infrastructure and tools to handle snowstorms with the same efficiency as it is handled in the north. Thus we deem it safer for people to stay indoors while we handle the clean up as best we can with our limited amount of resources, y’all.”

People in the North be like: “Well why don’t you get some more plow trucks then, dummies?”

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2014. I get by with A Lot of help from my friends.

2014 was already shaping up like a front-runner for worst year ever, but it made sure to ratify its position with a hell of a last two weeks. The week I recorded my CD (and just a couple of days after I tried to contact him to invite him to the show), I found out one of my oldest friends and biggest supporters of my stand-up, had passed away after being killed in a hit-and-run accident.

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Joke Stealing. It can happen to you! Part 2. Conclusion.

(For Part 1 click here: Joke Stealing. It can happen to you!)

Greg Brown admitted to his plagiarism yesterday on my FB page and apologized while recusing himself from the Asheville festival. That’s enough for me. As far as I’m concerned the matter is settled and hopefully this will be the last time I have to bring it up.

Thanks to everybody who shared the video and hit me up with support through Facebook, Twitter, text, phone, etc. I appreciate it immensely and love you all. The great majority of responses I got were positive, but as with anything that spreads to a certain scale of reach, there was a contingent of negativity that also came my way. I was expecting it and I’m not bothered by most of it since a lot of it is coming from irrelevant cunts that have never come close to trying to create something original in their lives and thus can’t understand the importance of artistic integrity. You might as well be discussing the intricacies of particle physics with these hoopleheads.

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