Sex, Drugs, and Comedy… not much sex though, or drugs… ok just Comedy.

Posts tagged “explicit

My Album Is Finally Out! “It Gets Worse”

The album I recorded in December is finally available today. It’s called “It Gets Worse”.

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Dark Side of Comedy Tour

If you live in Fort Lauderdale or Valdosta, GA  I’ve got a couple of shows coming up this week March 7-9 that I’m excited about because they will be the first two of what I’m trying to bill as the “Dark Side of Comedy” tour, for lack of a better name. I would’ve called it the “Uptight Cunts Stay Away” tour, but that just wouldn’t be as marketable. As the name implies there’s gonna be some dark/offensive/edgy jokes told at the show, so if you like that kind of shit then come out to one of the shows.

If you don’t live anywhere near those places though, get on my mailing list and I’ll let you know when I’ll be closer. I usually only send about one email a month so I won’t be clogging your inbox with spam. Oh and if you’re already on my mailing list and didn’t get an email from me last month, check your spam folder or add me to your contacts or something. Fix it! To get on my mailing list you can click at the top of the page where it says “Mailing List” or you can just click on the link below:

http://eepurl.com/vbh3P


2012. A Year I Said Things In. Part 1.

Last year I finally made good on my mission to have at least one Facebook and Twitter update every day. I may have missed a handful of dates, but I made up for it eventually. I was planning on posting them all on this blog post, but I soon realized it would just take too long, so I only did January-March. Whether I ever post April-December remains to be seen. I intend to, but I’ve intended to do many things that never got done – like being successful. For now the following is a mixed compendium (I like that word) of my Facebook and Twitter updates from January 1 through March 31 2012. Some are funny, some aren’t, and many may not make any sense (You had to be there, man).

JANUARY

– New Year’s Day is like my day-after-Xmas. It’s when I usually return all the gifts I got the night before. Namely:Alcohol. Thru:My Butthole.

– Say what you will about deaf people…really, go ahead, they won’t hear you. (more…)


The Elite Masturbaters

tl;dr: If I put together a comedy tour what would be a good name for it?

I’ve never been a big fan of stand-up comedy tours. I don’t mind that they exist, I’ve just never wanted to join one. Fortunately, most haven’t wanted me to join them either, so it’s worked out pretty well.

Lately though I’ve been looking into putting together an independent run of shows and perhaps bringing a friend or two with me, so I figured if I’m gonna do that, why not give the tour a name too.

The “Comic you’ve never heard of, along with two of his pals that you’ve never heard of either” Tour isn’t a very catchy name though. Also the “______ of Comedy” thing has been done to death, so I’m trying to avoid using that too.

Unfortunately, unless there’s some famous comics with major credits on the tour already, I think there’s gotta be an allusion to comedy in the title otherwise people will have no idea what type of show it is. The words “Comedy” or “Laugh” or “Joke” have to be in there somewhere. I’d love to call the tour something like the “Elite Masturbaters” but then I’d have to explain every time that we’re not an underground punk band or a bukkake sideshow. I also don’t want people to think they need to bring plastic sheets to the show because we may be some kind of jizz-based Gallagher parody act.

I also would like the title of the tour to convey some kind of hint as to what type of comedy will be presented, but not something so specific that people will only expect jokes about one particular subject. i.e. The Women Are Different from Men Comedy Tour, or the .44 Magnum Double Action Revolvers with Swing Out Cylinders of Comedy. Just something that conveys it’s not gonna be a “bring your grandma & kids” kind of show.

If you have any suggestions let me know. If I pick your suggestion you’ll get a free pass to one of the yet to be named’s comedy tour’s shows. So far the best I’ve got is the “I’m too lazy, and this probably is never gonna happen anyway” Tour.


Comedian Rankings 2: Cher the Lamp Designer

So not too long ago I let everybody know of my ranking accomplishments as a MySpace comedian. For those of you too lazy to scroll and click back to that blog entry I’ll just let you know that I was North Carolina’s #1 ranked comedian in the “Family Friendly” genre, while at the same time being North Carolina’s #2 ranked “Explicit/Raw” comedian.

So I decided to venture out, try to conquer new ground now that I’d made “Family Friendly” my bitch. Where did Carlos turn next? “Christian” comedy, of course. And guess what? Now I’m the #1 goddamn “Christian” comic in North Carolina, MotherFuckers!! Check it out! (more…)


Comedian Rankings: Family Friendly/Explicit-Raw

I was perusing the Comedian Rankings on MySpace and seeing that I’m not yet in the top 10 nationwide, I narrowed my search to just North Carolina. Then seeing that I’m not yet in the top 10 in North Carolina, I narrowed my search down to just ‘Family Friendly’ comedians in North Carolina. And guess what? I’m number one, motherfuckers!!!

check it out:

Hell yeah! so then I checked out my other speciality subgenre and found out MySpace has me ranked as only the number Two ‘Explicit/Raw’ comedian in North Carolina. What the Cock is that Shit! (more…)