Sex, Drugs, and Comedy… not much sex though, or drugs… ok just Comedy.

Comedian Rankings 4: The Fall of the Mighty

I decided to check the overall comedy rankings not too long ago. I’d been lingering around #12 for a good while and was looking to see if I’d advanced any. It goes without saying how important it can be for a comedian to crack the North Carolina MySpace top ten comedian list – you better strap on your safety harness cause you’re getting launched in a rocket with an express route to stardom.

Well to my disappointment I quickly found I had not cracked the top ten, so I clicked to see the next ten comedians and checked if I was at least still #12. I wasn’t! In fact I was nowhere on the page. I had dropped off the top 20! So I opened the next page to see where in the 20’s I was now ranked, but I was not there either! nor in the 30’s, or 40’s, or 50’s. Once I got to the 60’s I realized MySpace must have just accidentally dropped my profile out of the rankings. A mistake they’d surely correct soon. It wouldn’t be long till I was back to my #12 glory and once again start contending for top ten status.

Well I kept checking for several days and my profile wouldn’t come back up. MySpace was taking its sweet time adding me back to the list. So out of curiosity I decided to check the rankings from back to front to see who were the undoubtedly worst comedians in North Carolina as deemed by the infallible MySpace rankings of funny. Well I started with #230 and started making my way back, making sure to laugh and mock the lowly ranked comedians for their obvious ineptitude. And well I didn’t get very far until I came to the realization that I, in fact, had not been accidentally deleted from the rankings as previously thought. I was very much still in them. In the glorious spot of #202.

So, in brief, not only did I not crack the top 10, I dropped out of the top 200.

And proud as I am to still be considered funnier than the dynamo of hilarity known as “no photo ben”, this remains a tremendous hit to the furthering of my career. Being this far down, and with such a steep hill to climb in the rankings, I just don’t know if I’ll ever get to be the number one contender. I may never get a shot at the title.

So, I guess this is it. I’ve peaked. From here on, all attending will only bear witness to the decline of Carlos Valencia and talk in nostalgia about the glory days of his comedy. Fat, bearded, belligerent Carlos can’t be too far behind.

I could’ve been a contender.

(Originally Posted 12/5/06)

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